Moist as Snooky’s Vag, Vegan Victoria Sponge Birthday Cake

The original recipe for this used chocolate buttons (you can buy dairy-free chocolate buttons in white and milk chocolate in little packets from the Tesco Free From isle), but I prefer using jelly beans because I’m secretly a four year old child.

I like making this recipe x2 for a nice big momma thick cake if it’s for a birthday.


  • 225g self-raising flour
  • 4 tsp baking powder (instead of the normal 2 spoons, seems you needs to add an extra teaspoon for every 110g self raising flour if omitting eggs)
  • 225g Dairy free margarine
  • 225g caster sugar
  • 225ml custard (I used Birds custard powder with soya milk)
  • Strawberry Jam (quantity depending of preference of thickness of spread)
  • Icing Sugar (quantity as with Jam)
  • Jelly Beans (optional)


  1. Preheat the oven to 180C or 350F, gas mark 4. Grease two 18cm sandwich cake tins, line with greaseproof paper and lightly brush with oil.
  2. Sieve the flour and baking powder together into a bowl.
  3. Add the margarine, sugar and custard and whisk until thoroughly mixed. The mixture should fall slowly from a large spoon. Stir in one or two tablespoons of tepid water if necessary.
  4. Divide the mix between the two prepared tins, gently spread it over the base of the tins and level off with a knife. Place tins on the middle shelf of the oven and bake for 30 minutes or until firm and springy in the centre.
  5. Leave the cakes to set for 30 mins before running a knife around the tins to loosen. Turn the cakes out onto a wire rack, leave to cool.
  6. When cold, transfer one of the cakes, crust down, to a serving plate.
  7. Spread the base of one of the cakes thickly with jam and place the other cake on top, crust uppermost.
  8. Mix icing sugar as packet dictates or sprinkle with caster sugar for a lighter cakey taste. Serve and enjoy.

This recipe was adapted from a blog called something like ‘Pint Sized Pixie’? I lost the link but thankfully saved the recipe in my email drafts ;D I’ll try and make this soon so you can get some cheeky piccies and have a big food porn fap.

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